I want to see something I’ve never seen before. I want to be so taken aback that I forget my own given name. I want to be not inspired but dissolved. I want one thing to penetrate my existence so that my universe is no longer just a box. But, then I realize, all it takes - is for me to change my perception. It’s up to me. I forget. We forget. We forget we are beyond this world.

I actually seriously love Charlie Chaplin’s work. His movies are some of my absolute favorites. “Limelight” to me has a great plot, but it’s also fantastic especially given its time period, and limited technology.

I remember I yelled so hard at you
Middle of the night
You’re still up at the computer
I remember the nights that ended with me leaving off to the street in the middle of the night
And you always just sat at home waiting for me to come back
Knowing I’d have no place else to go
I remember I loved you most in the those times
Because it was the only time
You’d actually look at me when you spoke
You’d actually try to prove to me you loved me
Unfortunately you hated me in those times
I just wanted you to see me,
I just wanted you to look up,
But I was not enough
And I was not enough.

Everything Blue

I wrote a poem the other day
About how lonely I was
Noone to understand how I feel,
And no one to understand who I really was.

I felt alone
My thoughts a waterfall
My friends,
Kind, but at times I’m not in tune at all.

And then I remembered you,
You were smart
I was a blurr
If you feel the way I do tonight
I want you to know
I knew you
I want you to know
You mattered
You were loved
I listened
I heard you
I loved you
I miss you

When the waves take a
Deep breath
That’s what you were to me.
Everything blue.

I forgot that I am a writer
When I took care of my grandmom
I forgot that I am a poet
When she cried to me on my shoulder
I forgot that I was the child
When it was her,
I had to feed
I forgot that I am younger
When I taught her
how to speak.
I forgot it all,
When I realized my grandmom didn’t know
That it was
me at all.

-Sasha Soboleva